i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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