i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
