Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
