I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
that may or may not have been my penis.
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