I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
