I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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