there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
