On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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