you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This toilet bowl is my home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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