his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
