i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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