Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
