Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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