they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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