Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
