i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
