she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
