So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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