Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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