My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
