This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
