im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As shirtless as possible
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
