Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
