It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
