believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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