Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
