I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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