i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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