i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
