Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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