Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
