Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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