I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
