i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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