did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
