y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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