And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
