The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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