Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
