Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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