What did we do last night that was yellow?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
