I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
