I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
