i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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