ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
