I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
