I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
this hospital has no fireball
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
