There was a lot of him and a little penis
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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