I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
