Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
