so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
