he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
