i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
