It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
