Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Best friends brother. Beat that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
