So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
