I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
