There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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